A Series Of Unfortunate Songfics!
by Rosemary Parkinsons
Summary: Popular songs, only messed around so they are Series of Unfortunate Events-ish! Read and Review, please! CHAPTER 3 UP! Yayness!
1. 1999

**Disclaimer: I am not Lemony Snicket, or Bowling for Soup. Please do not assume that Bowling for Soup wrote this song. They didn't, I did.**

_Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of Series of Unfortunate Songfics. Today's chapter is based on the song, "1985". When you read this, sing it loudly, for it is fun to sing odd things loudly! This song is about Count Olaf! YING!_

1999

Olaf just hit the wall  
He only has one ball  
One more man a day  
Turns out he's really gay  
He hired his first male whore  
When he was only four  
Been with more than one man  
Has lots of evil plans

He was gonna be a drag queen  
He was gonna be a star  
He was gonna shake his ass  
On the hood of Esme's car  
Cuz he's in VFD  
He's a public enemy  
Looks at his evil life  
And nothing  
Has been  
Alright

Cuz of fires  
And fortunes  
And 2 sets of rich orphans  
He caused shisms  
And murders  
And he jacks off with steel girders,  
His assistants  
In his troupe  
They tell him that his boobs droop  
But he's still preoccupied  
With 19,  
19,  
1999!

He's taped lots of nude men  
He's seen every guy  
Jaques Snicket, Mr. Poe,  
He sees them when they're high  
He rocked out to wham  
Not a Lemony Snicket fan,  
Thought he'd get a hand  
On the fortunes of a very rich clan.

Where's his mini-skirt  
Made of snakeskin?  
And is it true that he once screwed the white-faced women?  
When did his name become,  
Count Omar?  
What every happened to his,  
Dildos, porno?  
(They're all gone because of)

Fires  
And fortunes  
And 2 sets of rich orphans  
He caused shisms  
And murders  
And he jacks off with steel girders,  
His assistants  
In his troupe  
They tell him that his boobs droop  
But he's still preoccupied  
With 19,  
19,  
1999!

He hates girls,  
Make them stop,  
When did being gay become not that hot?  
And when did Lemony, become an author?  
Please make this  
Stop  
Stop

STOP

(And stop the)

Fires  
And fortunes  
And 2 sets of rich orphans  
Stop the shisms  
And murders  
But let him jack off with steel girders,  
His assistants  
In his troupe  
Still tell him that his boobs droop  
But he's still preoccupied  
With 19,  
19,  
1999!

_So, how do you like it? Should I continue with other songs? Review, please! Oh, and ya'll can flame all you want, I don't mind!  
-Rosemary Parkinsons_


	2. Mr Poe

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Dr. Seuss! Or Lemony Snicket. Now that that's out of the way, I shall give you my latest creation**.

_This is the song, "MR. GRINCH" only, for Mr. Poe instead. Enjoy!_

* * *

MR. POE

You're a weird one Mr. Poe  
You really are a queer  
You keep garlic in your trousers  
You put earwax in your beer  
Mr. Poe

You're a disgruntled banker, with a,  
Greasy fat rear

You're an odd one, Mr. Poe  
You need some mental help  
You keep porno in your nightstand  
And wear skirts made out of kelp  
Mr. Poe

When Sunny first met you, she thought you were strange,  
But she only said, "Grelp!"

You're a freako, Mr. Poe  
You really are a foo  
You're a yellow bellied coward  
And you live inside a loo  
Mr. Poe

You're a gay little pervert, who wanks a lot  
And you smell like a poo!

You're a queer one Mr. Poe,  
You like to get male hoes,  
You have cheated on your wife  
And with another man, oh no!  
Mr. Poe

The three words best describe you,  
Are, and I quote: YOU. ARE. QUEER!

You're a pervert Mr. Poe,  
You watch a lot of porn  
You keep dildo's in your closet  
You put G-strings on your corn  
Mr. Poe

Your mind is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgusting assortment of veritable trash and smut imaginable,  
Mangled up in tangled knots.

_

* * *

_

_Well, that's it. I don't like this as much as the Olaf one, but oh well. And I am quite aware that there are several verses to "Mr. Grinch" but I'm too lazy to write a lot this morning. I'll try to post again soon. It's very difficult to find time to type when most of the time your father is in the basement, (Where the computer is) putting up ceiling tiles. At any given moment he could walk over, look at the screen, and see that I was typing about perverted bankers! My gosh, he might murder me! But right now, he's asleep upstairs, so I have nothing to worry about. Well, I suppose I should eat breakfast now!_

_Rosemary Parkinsons_


	3. Boulevard of Hot Drag Queens

**DISCLAIMER: I am still not Lemony Snicket, (though I am lemon scented...) and I am not anyone from Green Day.Long story short,for this one,O changed a song with WALKING into a song with WANKING. Another Olaf one, but hey, Olaf _is_ the sexiest pedophile alive! (heh-heh...)**

* * *

Boulevard of Hot Drag Queens

I grope a lonely toad  
My favourite one I that have ever blown  
Yes, he has webbed toes,  
But I'm stoned and I wank alone

I like to smell my feet  
On the Boulevard of Hot Drag Queens  
Were with men I sleep  
And I'm a kinky one and I wank alone

My alter egos right here wanking with me.  
My horny self's the only thing I'm feeling  
Sometimes I wish someone out there would rape me  
Till then I'll wank alone

Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhh  
Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhh

I'm feeling up a guy  
That excites me somewhere in my...pants...

On the gayness line of all guys  
And were I wank alone

Look between the sheets, who I've  
Fuckedand I feelKlausall night  
Watch my boyfriends die  
And I'm really high,  
But I wank alone

I wank alone  
I wank alone  
I wank alone  
I wank a...

My alter ego's right here wanking with me  
My horny slef's the only thing I'm feeling  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will rape me  
Till then I'll wank alone

Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhh  
Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oh-Oh Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhh

I wank on the toilet seat  
On the Boulevard of Hot Drag Queens  
Were with men I sleep  
And I'm the gayest one and I wank a..

My alter ego's right here wanking with me  
My horny slef's the only thing I'm feeling  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will rape me  
Till then I'll wank alone...

* * *

_Oh... poor Olaf... he has to wank alone... **ahem**... okay... not poor Olaf...disturbing Olaf is more like it..._

_And I realize that there's not that much that makes this about Olaf persay, and I apologize. Sorry. Writers block. Lots and lots of it._

_Okay, well, at least you all know that I haven't died or been kidnapped or anything because I posted something now. Sorry that this one kinda sucks, but as I've said, I've been having creative block lately. And my dad's been working in the basement a lot and it's hard to type with him looking at what i'm writing. So, be happy it only took me a few months to update, cuz I had ALMOST forgotten completely about my songfic thing._

_Any song suggestions are welcome. Well, most at least... so feel free. I'm trying to end up with 13 chappies in the long run. So far I have 4. (one isn't posted yet cuz I'm too lazy, and it will probably be it's own fic in itself...)_

_Yeah. The more I read this one, the more I hate it. Flame as you like, honestly, I won't mind._

_-Rosemary Parkinsons_


End file.
